var wisdoms = new Array("Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?","If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?","If God dropped acid, would he see people?","If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?","If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?","If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?","Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?","The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.","A fool and his money are soon partying.","If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?","What happens if you get scared half to death twice?","Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.","If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.","If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.","24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?","The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.","When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.","Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.","Support bacteria — they're the only culture some people have.","Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.","To be healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.","You have a better chance of getting an accurate weather forecast in upstate NY by asking the Magic 8 Ball.","Never tell that special lady in your life that her diet's not working.","When someone is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?' don't answer them.","Don't kick a man when he's down unless you're certain he won't get up.","Sometimes too much drink is not enough.","The other line always moves faster...until you get in it.","Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate.","One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.","Plagiarism saves time.","Teamwork...means never having to take all the blame yourself.","Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.","If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.","Some days you're the bug, and some days you're the windshield.","Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.","Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.","Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?","Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?","Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?","Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?","Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?","How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?","If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?","If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?","If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?","Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?","Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?","Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?","You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same stuff?","Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?","If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty liter?","If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?","What's another word for thesaurus?","Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?","Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?","Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?","Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?","Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?","What was the best thing before sliced bread?","Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?","What's another word for thesaurus?","If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?","Would a fly without wings be called a walk?","Can you be a closet claustrophobic?","Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?","If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?","If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?","Is it okay for vegetarians to eat animal crackers?","If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?","When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?","It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.","Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.","It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.","Those who live by the sword... get shot by those who don't.","He who laughs last thinks slowest.","Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.","On the other hand you have different fingers.","How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?","The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.","A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.","Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.","If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?","If you can't afford to fix your brakes then make your horn louder.","Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have film.","How come the evening news begins with 'Good Evening', and then proceeds to tell you why it's not?","Death is hereditary.","When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.","Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.","Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.","They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.","Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.","Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.","Half the people you know are below average.","99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.","42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.","A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.","The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.","OK, so what's the speed of dark?","Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.","Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.","Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?","Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.","The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.","What happens if you get scared half to death twice?","Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.","One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.","Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.","Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.","Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.","Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?");